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Dear Diary.

I know it's been a while but I need to share things with you now and again. Even if it's just a way to clear my head and get my thoughts inline. Possibly so I can look at my options and see what the hell im actually doing.

Ok. Where to begin.

I've fallen for a girl again. And it's someone I can't have. She is engaged to man back in her homeland of Poland. She has told me wants the relationship with him to finish as it isn't working how it was supposed to. She may be single soon and I just hope that if that day comes when she breaks up with him, that she would let me take her out somewhere nice. Try and show her that someone right in front of her does care for her, wants to to see that amazing smile, hear the laugh that I love so much. Not just any laugh but it's the noise of the inhalation between laughs.

Sigh. What am I doing though? I'm falling in love with an engaged woman and I'm enjoying it. We've become close and my Polish language skills have came on thanks to her. We've got similar interests and same humour. But I'm so lost and hate myself for loving so hard when I know I shouldn't.

I shouldn't feel like this. It feels amazing. And I hate myself for it.

Dear Diary. Work life is crazy at the moment. And not much fun.

One manager got sacked. I was at court on Monday relating to that case. The manager after that quit (before he got sacked). Court date still to be arranged. And the assistant manager has resigned and moved onto different work. We've had temp. cover for a couple of weeks. But it isn't enough. The shop needs more staff. And I still feel like I want the manager position but keep getting overlooked. Maybe it is time to move on to something with better pay.

And as for my house... The council have been upgrading/renovating my bathroom and kitchen. They told me I had to empty those rooms. Also both my hall cupboards and a large walk-in closet. All the stuff from there got piled into my bedroom and room where I've got my drum kit set up. But now I've been informed that my house appears "cluttered" and if its not remedied soon then I will have to deal with welfare officers who will empty my house for me. I feel unfairly fucked-over as they've not even finished working on my house which makes it difficult to empty the other rooms of the stuff that's been temporarily placed there.

TL;DR= Works sucks recently and I hate the council.

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The old haunts of childhood

So I only had to work a half day today. Leaving me a spare afternoon. I figured that because my work is quite close to the house I grew up in til the age of 7 that I could take a walk by the area...

Lower London Road. Comely Green Place to be precise.

Ok. So my old house has been demolished and new buildings have been put there. It's still houses.

The only thing that really stood out was the scale. The big street I played on isn't really that big. The hill we used to ride our bikes and up and down isn't as steep as I remember. Pretty much everything looked different while remaining identical to my memory. I miss the old place.

Getting old and growing up is lame. Fact!

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After watching an old episode of How I Met Your Mother last night (I'm rewatching them all with Alan as he's only seen bits of episodes) and seeing Barney Stinson talking about his blog made me remember my livejournal account. I'd just abandoned it and always planned on coming back. I'm now on a bus going home and thought I'd write some stuff.

Work was pretty decent today. Not any aggressive or overly stupid customers. No troubles at all really. Got everything done I had to get done. Felt like I actually accomplished something today. Been a while since I've felt like that at work.

Since starting to type this journal entry I've had the theme tune for Dougie Howser playing looped in my mind. Think I might use TeamViewer and see if I can find a torrent of season 1 to start watching later.

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I need to update you, diary. Today was mental...

At work, a colleague decided he would text our manager about a work grievance. Manager (on holiday) didn't take to this contact very well.

Cut forward a while.

The member of staff that was upset was then shouting and arguing with the big boss man (which I'd say was a dumb maneuver)

Don't sink the ship your sailing in.

Work tomorrow is going to be dreadful. Then I get Sunday off. Then everyone meets up again on Monday. I expect this is going to get a lot worse when our manager gets back in to the store.

It's really frustrating to see other decent members of staff being upset by one person. Constantly. He's been angering people for as long as I've known him. TBH, I'm surprised he still has his job.

So the end of a good week was killed by one guy over reacting and making everyone feel uncomfortably awkward at work...again!

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Her...

Dear diary.

I know I've not written/typed anything for a while - I've had nothing to say. Life has been pretty much the same as the day before; the week before, and also the year before.

I think I'm beginning to have the start of an initial crush on a girl at work.

This is the part I hate. The initial stages of "is this just banter?" or "are we flirting?"... which leads to "should I do something about this... arrange a plan for coffee/ice cream/booze filled night of debauchery?"

In short, I hate this feeling that I love so much.

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Resolve?

I told myself months ago that I would start blogging again...using LJ again. I've missed the community feel of the place. And Facebook, I'm calling you out - I'm sick of your shit.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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must be time for another update

so this morning when i woke up i could barely recall part of a dream, which felt cool cause i never seem to recall dreams when i wake.

 

it was like i was dating Lexi Belle, we were at a party and she was leaving - i found this out from a note she left me.  i knew i had to make a decision, her or (something else that i can't remember).  i choose her and ran outside to find her ... i think our daughter was in my arm.  i saw her on her motorbike in the distance as if she waited to see if i'd leave and come after her which i did.  cut to us two (kid makes three) hugging til i wake up.

 

short dream but it seemed strange to me when i was awake - i dreamt i was in a relationship with the porn star Lexi Belle and we had a child together.

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quick movie update

Recently I watched Source Code and found it totally mind-blowing. Such an amazing film that I need to buy myself a copy of; I got a loan of it from LoveFilm - they also sent me Thor, I'm watching it right now and I can't remember the last time I ever felt so bored and fidgety while watching a movie. 1hr15 into it with 40 minutes to go and it sucks.

Oh, I watched Observe & Report recently too, and that was ridiculously funny!

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